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Monday, October 20, 2014

Kaleidoscope

Wow where do I even begin! Writing emails is just as hard as writing in my journal. Words just can't express everything I am actually thinking and feeling. I feel like a kaleidoscope- you know those things that you look into and it changes shape and designs when you move it. Well that is how I feel but those shapes and designs are my feeling and emotions and the thing that moves it is time and my thoughts. And just like you cant control what picture you see I can't control what emotions the time brings up.  Im happy but sad, scared but excited, anxious but hopeful, prepared and completely unprepared ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I pray and pray and pray that the Lord will enlighten me with what He wants me to keep working on. The past few weeks-i'm not gonna lie- have been a bit hard to focus and I think it is due to the fact that I am focusing to much on coming home and not enough on how I can still be perfected here in the mission field. So every night when I account to the Lord I ask Him to help me be aware of my weaknesses and how I can improve. I know that my prayers could probably improve to. I dont really like praying for myself but I know that He wants me to be humble enough to. I have to practice what I preach right?! 
We have seen so many cool miracles this week.  I will start by listing some of them. Im just copying what I wrote in my journal pretty much... these occurred while on exchanges with Sister Sorensen (my STL) she is awesome! She worked with me in our area.
1. We had a lesson with Sue (a potential investigator) but she cancelled, sad day. I felt prompted that we should visit with Jeanette (another potential). We'd originally had her planned for back up for our lesson with Sister Skinner and her son later in day at 4:30 but nonetheless a prompting is a prompting and I'm trying to get better and follow them. Well we get there, knock on the door, and go figure she wasn't home. Great! well we wrote a note and left. Sister Sorensen noticed a lady we could talk to named Robyn. She is kinda athiest and wasn't interested but we had a good conversation with her. After that we got in our car to drive to another backup. The time was about 3:50ish. Well my stupid as GPS decided at that moment to stop working. And I have NO idea where to go without it, i'll get there eventually. Well Sister Sorensen suggested we prayed, so we did. I thought it would pop on but no luck. So we did the only practical thing to do at moments like this. We got out and talked to people on the street. Nobody was interested. We were wondering what the Lord wanted us to learn from this. We could view it as a hindrance or an opportunity to see a miracle. Well no apparent miracles just yet.  Well by this point we are late for our lesson with the Skinners but I had no idea how to get there. As we got in the car again we talked about what to do when I saw this little figure walking to Jeanettes. "HEY IT'S JEANETTE! Should we go?" We looked at each other and we went. MIRACLE!  She is very interested but just so overwhelmed! There is so much she needs to change but cant see that God is the best source to help her do that. We talked on her doorstep she was to sick to let us in (she had been getting back from the hospital). Before we left we explained the power of prayer and Sister Sorensen said a prayer. At the end Jeanette was looking away from us and said "I have to go inside now or I'm going to cry" we invited her to say her own personal prayer and she said "oh yes Im going to go do that right now" It was so sweet. Prayer is powerful, especially when it is a heartfelt and sincere prayer for someone you love.

2. We went to a members house that I didn't know verywell because they are older and keep to themself. We were just going to get to know them and share a message but she made a nice meal for us (which was a miracle in and of itself because we hadnt scheduled dinner in because we had to much to do). Well as we shared a message about letting out light shine as found in Matt 5:14-16 and 3 Nephi 18:24 she began to get emotional. She took us to a different room because her husband is a bit pessimistic about sharing the gospel so she took us to a different room and gave us 5 REFERRALS! Folks, that does not happen. In this past week we have gotten more referrals than I have my whole mission put together probably. And these are solid names. She is going to go to temple and put them on the prayer roll and then we will fast and pray with her this week for them and then go WITH her to contact them. Now that is how missionary work is supposed to get done! I hope it will happen and that her hard work will pay off. She is very afraid- it was such a tender testimony to me that these names are precious, that these souls are precious. I look at my own nonmember and inactive family and how precious they are to me- it takes a lot of trust to hand them over to strangers. I hope I can live up to my calling as the Lords representative. I hope that someday I can trust missionaries enough and have enough faith in the Lord for my family and friends too. Because their souls are precious to me. 

As hard as missionary work is I LOVE IT! They say that "the bad outnumbers the good, but the good outweighs the bad."  That is so true! I have seen soooo many disappointments and spent so much time worrying, crying, and hurting for these people most of whom will never know in this life how much I have given for them. But then I think of the Saviour. He who gave His LIFE for me, and each of us. He willingly gave His life. He died so we may each live. We are engraven on the palms of his hands (1 Nephi 21:16). If only these people knew. If only I knew what He truly did for us. I often wonder why I have never really received a "manifestation" of all of these, mostly that He is my Saviour and I realise and tell myself that I dont need it. Because I know that I would and will not ever deny my testimony of Jesus the Christ. I may not have seen Him in a dream, or felt His presence physically, or heard Him speak but I know through the power of the Holy Ghost that this is all true. He has born countless moments to me that are true. I have seen numerous miracles, and seen miraculous changes in the lives of those I share this good news with. Jesus Christ has felt and will fill all that I feel and THAT is what keeps me going. 

I know that this church is true. I know that missionary work is the life blood of this church. I know that the spirit will manifest to a humble heart the truth of this message of glad tidings!  I hope that I can live my life worthy to be an instrument in the Lords hands to bring many more souls back unto Him. And I leave this testimony that I have, born of pondering, praying, and applying sound gospel truths, with you in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

Love
Sister Ashley Boiteux
 








 

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