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Sunday, December 7, 2014

His Enabling Power

WARNING:
This email is VERY long, read at your own risk. 
Sacrifice from reading this: Your time
Blessing from reading this:....well you wait and find out through the spirit
This is the hardest email I think I've ever had to write. My currently sobbing my eyes, runny nose, and looking like a hot mess.  I keep asking myself "how can I possibly put into words the last 18 months of my life? How can I possibly express my heart to anyone other than God?" I knew that I would be a complete wreck so after last p-day I started to write down a few words but even now I don't know if it is even adequate. I can't explain to anyone how I feel unless you have served a faithful mission and stood where I stood, it still isn't the same but you can relate. We each experience things in our own unique way. WOW I'm such a freaking mess right now..... don't worry folks I just ran to the restroom to grab like 10 handfuls of toilet paper. My pockets are bulging but hey it is better than having a runny nose in public hahaha.  If my state right not doesnt show you how much the last week on a mission out right stinks I dont know what will. It is the best and the worst! I feel grateful, humbled, eager, anxious, devoted, weak, powerful, blessed, pure, sanctified, unworthy, repentant, submissive, more patient, hopeful, faithful, faithless, and SO MANY other words ALL AT ONCE!!! So you can imagine it is a bit to handle. As I have tried to pin point one emotion or feeling that overtakes them all I know without a doubt that that one words would be ENABLED!
The dictionary definition of this word is "1. To supply with adequate power or opportunity; make able. 2. To make possible or practicable."
Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and learning about Him He has enabled me to achieve greatness. Learning to rely on His enabling power has been a very painful and humbling experience but I would not give it up for all the riches in the world. It is the greatest gift we can receive, the knowledge that the course of life I am living will lead me to return to live with Him only because I've learnt to rely on Him. Of course I will always continue to learn and grow in my ability to draw strength from His sacrifice but it is a quest of a lifetime. Im so delighted that the mission has helped me to start. I'll be honest before my mission, I didn't know a darn thing. Yes I knew they said Christ was my Saviour and that this was His church. I heard about Joseph Smith and I'd even read the Book of Mormon a time or two. But I didn't KNOW it! Now I KNOW IT IS TRUE!!! Im still learning to strengthen my conversion, it is really hard but man oh man is it exhilarating when you feel the spirit. I feel like the people of King Benjamins time. I view my carnal, or worldly, state and I too know that I am less than the dust of the earth. I have learnt to cry "o have mercy, and apply the atoning blood of Christ that [I] may receive forgiveness of [my] sins, and [my] heart may be purified; for [I] believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who created heaven and earth, and all things..." (Mosiah 4:2)
As I have given my will to Him time and time again, sometimes compelled to but most of the time willingly, what I first viewed as a major sacrifice became an A-List trade-in of a small happiness with the top manufacturer of "ETERNAL JOY". Becoming sanctified is a painful process but the end result is astronomically better than the beginning product of the "natural man, or woman".
The whole mission I know He has helped me fulfill His work but it wasn't really till this past week that I realise how much! He helps me get out of bed at 6:30, run for exercise each morning with Sister Sunday (and you know how much I love to run...which is not at all), be obedient to all the mission rules big and small, not take a nap in the car while my companion is driving and the warm sunlight beats down on my face, not stopping and getting icecream at the gas station every time I'm hot and hungry, learning to be patient and not discouraged when plans and backups fail to happen, keep going even when EVERYTHING (but the Holy Ghost) is telling me to stop. It is because of His enabling power that I exist from day to day. Because He is I am.
This past week we had a lesson with our investigator Lauren. We watched the Restoration DVD with her and bore our testimonies of how we know this is true. Sister Sunday testified how when she prays she just has the thought "You KNOW it is true" and she can't deny it. I said how I know it true is because I often ponder what my life would be like without these truths. If I stopped believe in the Book of Mormon, in modern day revelation, of proper priesthood authority, of saving ordinances (like Baptism and Temple covenants) under that authority, of true knowledge of the magnitude of the Atonement of Christ. That that away and what do I have in my life... nothing but a meaningless, dark, and confusing world. Because I know these things have been restored through the prophet Joseph Smith and are here today I feel complete! Yes there is still heaps I dont know and a lot to learn and understand- we are infinite beings who will infinitely be learning- but in my heart my search, that never really began because I've always had it, is over. Man am I blessed. Lauren simply said "wow, I wish I could feel that too" we testified that she could but it requires faith- and faith without works is dead (James 2:17). Just as Joseph Smith, and every humble seeker of truth, we must study and ponder the word of God and then ask of God. We will know the truth of all things by the power of the Holy Ghost (Moroni 10:3-5).
My time here in the service of God and His children has taught me lifes most cherished lessons including
-How to align my will with His
-How to gain and keep a conversion
-What I need in a future spouse (mom no I will not discuss this that is just awkward)
-How I can raise my future children in righteousness and make our home a safe place from the world we live in
-How to use my time effectively and be diligent (well I've always been diligent but now I'm just more refined)
-How to budget and be thrifty (man expensive taste dies hard hahaha)
-How to be patient with my shortcomings, the shortcomings of others, and of the timing of the Lord
-Most importantly I've learnt how to be dependent on the Lord. We cannot make it on our own (Mosiah 3:17; 4:6-8)
I am so eternally indebted to my Father in Heaven. I am so so so grateful He took me... a prideful, shy, terrified, and lost 19 year old girl and made me a humbled, powerful, capable, and dedicated 20 year old woman. You really can learn a lot in 18 months! I now know who I am and who I can become. 

So that folks is what I have learnt in small part from my 18 months. The only way I learnt that about myself is because I devoted myself to the service of OTHERS! We don't find ourselves till we lose ourselves!

Now to quickly share some highlights from this past week....

So Sister Sunday and I were going to the car and where walking out of our elevator into the garage. Just as I was stepping from the elevator to the carpark my usb with all my music and mormon messages slipped out of my hands and landed on the metal rim of the elevator floor. Sister Sunday shouted "what are the chances!" and just as she was talking it slipped away forever down into the elevator shaft :( I was soooo ticked but luckily I have everything backed up. My companion teased me for a bit about my sad mood and I realised she was right and I just needed to relax it wasn't that big of a deal and it was actually a bit funny. Now I chuckle but then I wasn't hahaha.

Next story. So this morning Sister Sunday and I decided to go hiking for our last p-day here in Canberra (she is getting transferred to the spanish program in Sydney so we are both gonners). A member told us about this beautiful hike but it was kinda far away but we thought it was worth it so we drove out there. We woke up at 5 to go. The drive was GORGEOUS!!! Australian country side is stunning! Well be got to the turn off and it said the car park was 3k's away. But to get there we had to drive on this really crappy dirt road that was pretty steep. We drove for about a k and a half and Sister Sunday kept asking me if we should keep going. I really wanted to get there so I was like yeah yeah lets go it will be beautiful. Well we went a little farther and the road got worse and we were so confused. The member said that our car would be fine that the road was paved. We were both getting anxious and our moods were getting bad. We recognised that the Spirit was warning us to stop and that because we weren't listening we were getting agitated. So we stopped and carefully turned around. We got out and hiked a bit to see if the car park was up the road and could not find it. We were both anxious to get back to the safety of a paved road and cell service. We raced back to our car, said a prayer for safety that our car would make it back and started to drive in faith. It sounds dorky but it was a bit scary. We didnt get to hike but we made sure to take good pictures to capture the experience. I don't know what would have happened had we kept driving, i'm not kidding the road was bad and very narrow there wasn't really much room to turn around so it was lucky we did it when we did. It was just such a testimony builder to us both of following the spirit even when you dont think anything would really happen. Most people would have kept driving but we knew to follow the still small promptings of the spirit before he left us due to our own stupidity. It was humbling.  Last p-day we are going to make it good.

I know the Lord will enable me to get through this week! Love you all and look forward to seeing you!

xoxo.
Sister Boiteux

 
Beautiful Sunset

Helping a member set up their Christmas tree

Sister Sunday and all her spanish loot! Man she is amazing!!

Driving to our hike

Massive Kangaroo

Our hike!

 

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